illustrations for myself / memory keeping

head of the paper mache bull on wheels likely attributed to c. caballero sevilla

stone dog above our apartment

pulque vase

dreamed I got to choose which knit house shoes to have (the kind little baba used to make), seeing which might fit

for my birthday m finished knitting the vest for me that I just couldn’t finish

found a handmade cradle by the trash, reminded me of m saying Gido made a baby cradle but made the legs rock the wrong way so it jarringly rocked front to back instead of side to side

swan rocking chair / gift for m

while watching a hummingbird

free plums outside the house

dreamed k gave me two robin’s feet and I painted them gold

dreamed I found my missing brown stripe knit vest that I made

dreamed a raven was picking the lock of auntie’s e’s house where her and uncle b and mama live. I knew not to let it in; I killed it.

dreamed an eel was wrapped around my neck and I knew I needed to get it off before the air dried it, nobody I asked knew how after stopping at a few gas stations; I peacefully resigned to the drying

m dreamed mama had a vest of fish

dreamed of a man closing the eyes of fish after they died, one by one

dreamed about m and I in the grass at eye level, but far off in the background of the dream, a guy was walking slowly, shepherding three person-sized wings through the air.

dreamed that sea lions were magnetized to my hands, so I couldn’t swim away

dreamed of l sewing lines through leaves

m dreamed that a snowy owl brought her a twig on her pillow so she swaddled it in mama’s maternity shirt to bring it outside safely

l always making me sandwiches and wrapping them in cloths / one with her house key one day

k always sews an x on the back of the clothes she makes

kept every piece of glass and mirror I’ve ever broken, until last month (April 2020)

k showing off the new pants she designed based on a dream she had

j while playing cards: “sorry, I just had deja vu about a hole in my sweater“

k showing me the jacket she made i

k showing me the jacket she made ii

l with rocks on her eyes


unfinished drawing of unfinished sweater in a letter to t

how do you fly in your dreams

still from Sevdaliza’s ‘Darkest Hour’

k when questioned about her furs: “bitch I thrift well”

t showing me the jacket she made

our teeth are shining

two fake hands, two real braids at the thrift in vancouver

a random cake at c + c’s / best eaten right off the knife

friends who season their cast iron for two days to make everyone food

k said I could keep my cropped flannel but not the extra fabric I cut off it even though they both bring me joy

M: “if J wore all the things I made him he would be warm forever”

M: “I love houses that have their own baby houses”

j made me bread and dropped it off as a surprise and it was still hot so I just warmed my hands on it for so long

saw both ends of a rainbow and screamed with s and c after the last car got towed then saw this ruined book in the mud (the first real day)

anxious, can’t sleep, the ziggy peelgood shirt and persimmons

m’s pink coat and part of a fig from a picture k sent me

s wearing black on saturdays for saturn

A. Grondahl’s words

sheet and ladder left / good shapes walking on commercial before seeing I, reading severance on and off and listening to lando chill’s new album

walking slowly / looking for free stuff / finding slippers / sitting in Baby Arlo’s garden / picking flowers in A’s palette /

roses, thorns, and a puppy who sighed itself to sleep

found a rock that looks like a starred night sky reflecting on water

floating in blue, watched by blue

house on stilts (for I)

good paper bags in front of someone’s house when S and I hung out in the shady park a few days after their birthday

k on making a sequinned bodysuit: “I’ll be all silk and sequin and finally happy”

A showing me their favourite street (Green street) and finding a very good flower

(sign at the Vancouver Art Gallery)

sweater I have loved and lost i

sweater I have loved and lost ii
© Meagan Berlin